Recently, it's come to my awareness through talking with another coach that I've been taking "trust" for granted. If you're reading this and you know me, I'm a pretty open person. I'll answer just about any question anyone asks me without hesitation. I love sharing my thoughts, beliefs, experiences, and life with others. I don't have anything to hide and love to share freely. I'm a very trusting person. I attribute that to my culture. I grew up with a belief that everyone is looking out for my best interest as I am looking out for their best interest. So it comes as a shock to me that not everyone is this way. I trust just about everyone until they give me a reason not to trust them and I hold others in high regard. I usually give new people I meet 3 chances to let me down before I write them off emotionally in my mind.
Anyway, what triggered my eagerness to study the topic of trust was an interaction at a networking event. My personality is such that I don't like the fluffy superficial conversations. I like to get right down to things that REALLY matter to me and to the person I'm talking to. After a series of messages on church about being bold, I thought I would attempt my boldness and ask a question that I am REALLY curious about in others. After some small talk, I asked my new acquaintance, what's something you really long for? I love to know what motivates people and I love it when others ask me these kinds of questions. Well, she answered and then she walked away abruptly. I was so puzzled by her behavior that I had to analyze this situation with a coach. My conclusion is that I overstepped someone's personal boundary. I guess I asked a question that was too personal? I feel so bad about that. I so want others to feel comfortable around me and I very much value harmony that I almost wish I could take it back. At the same time, I'm glad it happened so that I'm aware of this "trust" thing and that others need to trust me before they can share more personal information like that. I will honor that and am so aware of it now. I will trust my intuition and realize there are layers of a person that will be revealed when they are ready.
So, what did I learn?
1. Trust is a foundational piece of strong relationships. If you're interested in learning how to build trust, I highly recommend this great article: http://www.wikihow.com/Build-Trust
2. Even though my boldness, my taking a risk, resulted in short-term pain on both our ends, the long-term benefits of learning far outweighed what happened.
3. Like my friend Dominque's grandmother used to tell her, "let life come to you." You don't have to force things to happen. Just got with the flow. Be present. Yesterday, I thought I lost my phone. I met a client at a coffee house so I put my phone on silent. 2 hours after the meeting, I discovered I had lost my phone. I had already been to 4 places since I remembered having it so spent hours agonizing and searching for my phone back tracking my drive to all the locations I had been to. I was so distraught yesterday because of this. Well, this morning as I was cleaning my kitchen, I heard my phone alarm clock go off. It was on the mantle of my fireplace in the living room. As I was sorting through books to sell and donate on my bookshelf, I left my phone there. My cousin Kar said, "Just as in life we are searching and believing we are missing or lacking something, and we look all over for it. But it doesn't reveal itself to us until the time is right, then alarm bells go off and ta-da!" So many mini lessons here. Trust God and his timing as he will reveal to you what's next on his time.
Today's key points:
1. Trust in God's timing for your life. Follow the spirit. Be present for the opportunities.
2. Build trust with others.
3. Trust yourself.
Questions to ponder:
What keeps you from trusting.... God, others, and yourself?
What would your life be like if you trusted more?